Being Alone is Underrated

At 22, I have realised that people have underestimated the power/fun/peace of being alone. The state of being Alone is often confused with loneliness and hence met with pity or sympathetic remarks. Four years ago when I moved to Delhi, away from my family, I went to shop alone and got myself dinner. Upon my return to the hostel room, my roommate was shocked to know that I spent the day alone. She failed to understand why a person would choose to walk around alone when s/he can have company easily. In fact, if I remember correctly then she often said that she had never known people like me before.

Having planned an impromptu trip with a couple of my relatives (a few weeks ago), the ones who know me well but not so much, I looked forward to having some ‘alone’ time during the trip. To my surprise, I got enough time to explore places on my own. By the end of the trip my Aunt suggested that I should visit these places again with my ‘husband’. Taken aback I asked, “Why with husband?” for I had already planned another visit to Kanyakumari on my own in my head. She said, it’s no fun travelling alone, you will get bored. Knowing that there is no way to make some adults understand certain things, I kept my silence for I did not want to hear, “You are saying this as a kid now, you won’t say it ten years later.”

The thing is that the people, who haven’t known the pleasure of being alone, complain about company. For someone who has longed for freedom and independence since childhood just to make things work her own away, being alone is the greatest pleasure. I have always longed for a room of my own at home, guests annoy me if they stay for a long time but I mean no harm. I never quite got along with any of my roommates for the sudden dancing moments or any kind of moments. I never liked company while shopping which I don’t like much anyway. I enjoy meals, going for a movie on my own. I see no harm in it. A good book in hand and I am all ready to spend the evening alone inside even if there is a Mohit Chauhan concert in the neighbourhood and I have a free pass.

That’s how I am brought up or even manufactured. As a kid, I frowned every time my parents asked me to be able to stay alone. Why? Friendship meant the world to me. For me, every relationship could end but friendship couldn’t. By the end of my schooling, I knew better. I also knew that people can hurt me or affect me only when I give them the power to. So I chose to keep that power to myself and a limited number of people.

People can call me anti social. But rarely do I get people who have a similar chain of thoughts or interests. People can ask me that at some point of time I might need others to be a part of my life. Sure. I do have people in my life. I am just not dependent on them. I sure have weak moments. Those moments have only told me to be not emotionally dependent. Sometimes it does become lonely and I need a break. It’s up to me to choose what to do with my time, read a book, watch a movie, go shopping, hang out with friends, cook at home or do anything for that matter. The choice is mine and that's the one freedom being alone gives me. I am not escaping from adjustments or compromises. But in the end, no one is really going to prioritise me so I might as well do that for myself.

People like to believe that they need someone in their life. But the ‘need’ seems a social and cultural construct to me. If everyone realised how peaceful being alone can be, then the society will crumble. But then, one can always have somebody but not be dependent on them and hope that they understand it as well. Sure, having a great company is blissful. But for the most part, I can say that being alone is quite underrated. It’s probably the one addiction I can approve of right now. What happens ten years later will be dealt with then. A probable husband cannot keep me away from my peace today, for, the relationship with the self is way more important before having relationships outside.

Morning view from the balcony of the cottage room of Hotel Tamil Nadu, Kanyakumari.